5 Reasons Needy Girls Are Ruining it for the Rest of Us
On Sunday afternoons, I'm usually hanging out with my girl friend who lives around the corner. We're close in age; at similar places in our lives; and, both frustrated with dating. We were sitting around chatting in my living for about two hours then there was a lapse in chatter. She asked me to turn on some music - so I did. She followed that up with, "I like that we don't have to have something to entertain us to have a good time - like watching TV or something." And that sparked a discussion about the kind of time we want to spend with our significant others. Our conclusion: needy girls are ruining it for the rest of us.
- He doesn't believe me when I say I won't bother him when he has to bring his work home. I get that you can't always separate work from home and sometimes that means you have to bring your work home. That happens to me, too. Plus - I have a blog to write; books to read; recipes to try; and, a plethora of other things to keep me busy. The problem is girls say that - and don't mean it. I would love to lay my legs across your lap while you write some report - or whatever you do for work - while I brainstorm a new article, read one of the many books I've purchased that I haven't touched or catch up on some stupid show I haven't gotten around to watching. I really just want to share space with you. In a relationship, it's important to me that we can just be. Enjoy each other's company. If we're in this for the long-run, it's unrealistic to expect that all of that time is going to be filled with sharing feelings and talking. I don't want that! & I'm sure you don't either. Believe me when I say I just want you around.
- You think grand gestures are key. They are nice, don't get me wrong. Getting dressed up and going to get dinner is cute and I'd love to do that a couple times a month. But, I do know how to cook and I love video-, card- and board games. I like going to the museum and going to concerts. Taking my dog to the park. What about a knife skills class? That one is super specific, but that's because I did that recently. Come over and help me with a DIY-project. I want to find things to do that we will have a good time doing. What's actually important is that we have a good time with each other.
- What are we doing? Well, for starters, I'd never phrase it this way. But, when I ask it's not because I'm looking for you to tell me a timeline until we're going to be boyfriend/girlfriend. Clear expectations make literally everything better! I want to know if you're looking for casual sex, casual dating or we're into each other on a deeper level and we're trying to explore that. I'm not into casual sex and if we're casually dating, I'm not inviting you over to cook you dinner. Sorry-not-sorry. I need to know how much effort and energy I should be putting into this situation.
- Phone calls and text messages. When I text you in the middle of the day, it's not because I'm expecting a full conversation. You're at work (I hope) and I'm at work. I get really busy then have lulls but I understand that not everyone's day works on the same rhythm mine does. I probably had something super annoying or hilarious happen and I want to share it with someone not involved. Or, I came across this funny ass video that I think would make you laugh, too. We can chat about it and if you're busy - you can tell me that. I'm good. On that other side of that - I'd like to hear from you during my day. Do you know how refreshing it is and how quickly you can put a smile on my face by letting me know you're thinking about me? Or, calling me on your way home from work. It's not hard, I promise. And, I'm not going to want to be on the phone all night - I talk to people all day.
- Meeting your circle. And keeping those circles separate. Duh, I wanna meet your friends (and family, but that's another topic for another day). That doesn't mean it has to be some huge event where you're introducing me to your world OR that I have to now become part of that circle. True story: I'm very casually hanging out with someone (that let's see what happens stage). He invited me to a game night with his friends and it was so chill. We played Uno, had a few drinks, talked shit and went to a jam session. It was great. It gave me insight into who he is with his friends, the type of people he spends his time with and what he's like when he doesn't feel like he has to put "on" for me. I want you to feel the same about my friends but understand that just because we're a couple - this doesn't make our separate circles "our circles." You need space and opportunity to hang out with them without me. And I definitely need that, too.